One Older Man’s Relationship with a Younger Man
I just received this comment in response to one of my earlier posts. I think it is important enough that I also want to share it in the blog.
I just thought I’d submit some ideas to this as well as my experience as of late. I am 40 years old and in April of last year finally left a destructive relationship with a guy of the same age after 16 years. The last thing I thought at the time was that I would meet someone again so soon….but to my amazement I met an amazing young man that was only 21 at the time. He is now 22.
I honestly dont think that I would have even given it a shot based on age, but as it turned out he is more mature, honest and sincere than most men of my age. Moreover, Ive never experienced the level of communication I have with him, ever!
Now, thats not to say that we do not have arguments or don’t see eye to eye on everything, but with the communication and honesty and maturity, I honestly NEVER think about the age difference between us. Never!
Some people have posted questions as to why this happens and why it works, and I agree to most of their points. One that I do not is the sexual part of it. I am not and was not looking for someone because they are “hot”. I never have. Although my other half now is very attractive, if he were not able to connect with me emotionally…..there would be nothing.
I did wonder in the beginning why someone that age would want an older guy just as many other posts have suggested. I also wondered whether or not it may have been some Daddy issue.
My partner and I have talked about this quite a bit and it really comes down to the fact that he just does not relate to the gay men his own age. He is more attracted to someone that is done with the gay scene and is more established.
As far as the mentoring part of it is concerned, I’m not sure I agree with that one completely. I think that he learns from me, of course, but what nobody has really mentioned is that no matter what relationship you are in, we all learn from each other.
Since I am older, I’ve noticed that older guys sometimes forget to just relax and have fun and not take things so seriously all the time!!!! I learn from my guy everyday just as much as he learns from me.
Going back to the sex part, in that way…yes maybe some mentoring there. Because I have been around for a bit longer, there are many things sexually he has not experienced. If anything was difficult in our relationship in regards to the age difference, it would be this area. In the beginning, we had some differences because I dont look at sex as having roles in a relationship, and since he is younger, he had not experienced sex in as many wasy. So for example, some sexual activities were hard for him because he thought of it as being conquered as opposed to looking at it as something he enjoys.
Alas, because of the great communication….this only lasted for a couple months. Now, its honestly the best sexual relationship we both have ever had.
I’d like to and will share more later because I think this is an important thing to discuss, I’m just out of time for the moment. Thanks for hearing me out and I hope this helps anyone who is going through this as well!
Loren’s Comment:
Frankly, I find your comment rather disgusting. Although you say you can get whomever you please, I certainly don’t find your attitude attractive.
Your insecurities are apparent in your own need for a “trophy partner” who will enhance your own sense of worth. Twenty year olds who are a mirror image of yourself won’t give you validation either.
In fact, many twenty-something young gay men do have attitudes that are more mature than yours.
Frankly, your attitude disgusts me as much as mine does you. You have discounted an entire group of men who have loving relationships just because it doesn’t match your own distorted values. Perhaps I can just over-look it because you’re so young and becoming a doctor seems to prolong one’s adolesence.
As an older man, I myself seek a younger male to spend time with. I feel that I have much friendship, passion, sexuality and a great open mind to offer the younger man that wants to be with me.
For myself, I have found the younger man gets me to bring out the sexual being that I am. Please don’t get me wrong. I have had great times with men my own age, but most of them, just do not bring out the best in me.
I am open to all men that seek friendship and more. Peace.
I’m 20 and I am only attracted to older guys(30′s-40′s). I need someone more mentally stimulating than guys my age. And…I’m attracted physically to older guys too, and I can’t explain that one.
Oh, and as for “daddy” issues…NONE. My dad was 48 when I was born, so to me a father figure is in his 50′s and 60′s.
But, I do like the mentoring part, I like the thought of learning to be more mature from such a close influence. I think that sums up everything I had to say.
[...] comment was posted following a previous MagneticFire blog entry, “One Older Man’s Experience with a Younger Man.” I thought it important enough to post it as a main [...]
I am 58 and in a relationship with a 24 year old from a South American Country, he will be coming to stay with me as he finishes his masters degree at a local university, we are both in excellent physical shape and enjoy lots of things together. Our age difference has never been a problem or an issue, respect and honesty are the keys to our relationship, he has no desire for guys his age or guys up through 45 years old. none of his friends or his parents know he is gay or that he is coming to stay with his lover. He has never been with another man.
I am a bi 50 year old man who has been divorced now for two years. A young man who I work with that is all of 20 years old has been seeking advice from me for two months in regards to a horrible break up he had with the girl of his dreams. My concern is that during this time of my support for him, there is a compassion developping between us that I’m not quite sure how to handle…and obviously, the age thing is a very big concern of mine. To my knowledge, he is completely straight, but stays with me a lot…and makes remarks that I find to be somewhat of a come on. I think he is feeling me out because I think he believes I am completely straight. I never expected for anything to happen between us, but the hugs and compassion we share are starting to get to both of us. And I am very concerned that something is going to happen between us that is going to make it difficult becase of our age difference.
What I would like to hear about is how you—-after having been in a relationship for 16 yrs….turn around and get to have a younger man that you enjoy even more…when there are so many of us that can’t even find a date! I can’t even get someone to speak to me let alone go out on a date. And it has more to do with my surroundings than my attitude, so don’t go there first! LOL.