Oh, and as for “daddy” issues…NONE. My dad was 48 when I was born, so to me a father figure is in his 50′s and 60′s.

But, I do like the mentoring part, I like the thought of learning to be more mature from such a close influence. I think that sums up everything I had to say.

For myself, I have found the younger man gets me to bring out the sexual being that I am. Please don’t get me wrong. I have had great times with men my own age, but most of them, just do not bring out the best in me.

I am open to all men that seek friendship and more. Peace.

Frankly, your attitude disgusts me as much as mine does you. You have discounted an entire group of men who have loving relationships just because it doesn’t match your own distorted values. Perhaps I can just over-look it because you’re so young and becoming a doctor seems to prolong one’s adolesence.

I was curious to see what I’d find because honestly, I’ve been beating myself up about this and needed to know who else was out there going through the same thing. I only wanted to read but I now feel compelled to write because I need to tell my story. Thank you for being there.

About a month ago, a young guy flirted with me on one of those gay ‘meet-up’ web sites. We all know men are on there to hook up with each other and I was no different. To be honest, I wasn’t especially attracted to this guy – I’ve seen better photos. And because he’s 24, I didn’t really take him seriously (I’m 46).

However, he persisted, kept texting me back. He really wanted to meet me. Of course, I was flattered. I’m a very young-looking Italian guy, in very good physical condition; I am an athlete. I have a young kind of outlook on life. I’m optimistic, I love what I do (I’m a teacher and an artist) and I approach the world with excitement and wonder. At the same time, I have the wisdom that age brings and I know what I want and what I don’t want.

This young guy looked cute enough in photos, but I asked for another face picture because it was difficult to get a sense of his looks. He texted right away and gave me a link to some more photos. The were very nice. We chatted a few more minutes. He’s a teacher. He’s also an artist. He’s Italian. This settled my doubts. No harm in coming over and meeting. Even if nothing happens, we could have a nice chat about teaching and art and perhaps be friends.

As it turned out, we immediately began kissing and kissed for hours. We took our clothes off and kissed more and we had a very deeply satisfying physical experience. We talked about teaching, what schools we worked at, etc. It was beautiful and I prepared myself to let go as soon as he left because experience has taught me not to expect anything more. Of course we said we’d meet again. It would be nice. But I didn’t count on it. Later that night he sent a message saying that it would be nice to sleep next to me and wake up together. I ‘smiled’ back. I told him I’d like to see him again.

A few days later he sent me a link to his work online (drawings and paintings). A few days after that he sparked up a flirtatious series of text messages about what he liked about me and about my body. Later that night he said he’d told his friends about me. I asked him when I could see him again. We agreed he would come over on Sunday at noon.

I was so taken with him. Mostly because of the things we had in common. Honestly, I was more emotionally attracted to him than physically. It is without pretense or conceit that I say to you that I am more ‘physically’ attractive than he. And because of the context of our meeting (gay, online, hook-up sites), those things matter most. However, once we met and spent time together that afternoon, none of that mattered to me.

I spent the days until Sunday wondering if I could have a relationship with a 24 year old. It seemed absurd. Of course I couldn’t. How would families react? What would friends say? Wouldn’t he be ‘missing’ the key parts of his life that most people experience with others their own age? Meeting mates, dating, marrying, having children, spending holidays with family… Wouldn’t all that be so strange and awkward with a man 20+ years older than he? Would he resent me for knowing things he hadn’t yet learned?

I was getting a bit ahead of myself I guess. I resolved to keep the idea open and see how it progressed on the second meeting, and the third, etc.

On Sunday I waited. Noon time came and went. I texted and asked if he was going to show up. He said something about being called into work (a retail gig he’d held onto on occasion). Then he phoned and we actually spoke. He apologized and said he didn’t want me to think he’d ‘blown me off’. He’d phone me later and we’d arrange something.

It’s been 4 weeks since I heard from him. He hasn’t answered my email. He hasn’t contacted me at all. I am crushed. I might be in love. Mostly I am hurt that I opened myself up to him; allowed myself to entertain the thought that he might actually be a man I could love. I now attribute the entire mess to his immaturity; his inability to accept the idea of being with a man 20 years older. As soon as it seemed as though I was pursuing him (instead of the opposite) he realized the futility of a relationship between us, it seems.

I’m angry and sad. I haven’t stopped thinking about him. And I guess I should just let this all pass. But part of me thinks that I should not let go. Discovering your web site has made me realize that any kind of relationship can work if both parties are wiling to allow it.

Thank you for that. And thank you for reading. It’s been therapeutic for me. It’s helped me gain some perspective.

You are lucky for what you have with your partner.
Sincerely,
Louis

I’m 29 and had to recently dump my 27 year old partner because he had confessed to me he recently thought the idea of some fat, bald 50 year old was attractive. I’ve never been so repulsed in my life.

I’m 29, very physically fit, have a full head of hair, and I’m a doctor. I can get whomever I please.

I’m not going to entertain the idea of somebody I decided to love to embarrass me with his sick paraphilias. Old men who find 20 year olds “mature” are masking their own desperation and feelings of insecurity. Twenty year olds don’t give you validation. They make the rest of us look at both of you like freaks.