Archive for March, 2010
If Iowa is LGBT Heaven, Uganda must be Hell
This picture really haunts me, and I have returned to look at it over and over. It is a picture of a gay couple in Uganda who were arrested following their ceremonial engagement.
Steven Monjez Tiwonge Chimbalanga
Initially, I only looked at the faces of the couple. As I looked at it again I saw that instead of being bound together by a ceremony based on their love for each other, they are hand cuffed together because their relationship has been criminalized in a country where heterosexuality is compulsory.
As I returned to look at it again, I began to search the faces of those men surrounding the vehicle. The looks of hatred and derision are apparent. Family values conservatives are fond of saying that they hate the sin but love the sinner; I don’t see any love in those faces.
Ugandan Newspaper
The Ugandan government is considering a bill, the “Anti-Homosexuality Bill, 2009” that proposes the following:
1. Anyone charged with the offense of aggravated homosexuality will undergo HIV testing, and all those found to be HIV positive are subject to the death penalty.
2. Death sentences of “serial (homosexual) offenders.”
3. Life sentences for anyone convicted of a homosexual act.
4. Seven years in prison for anyone who “aids, abets, counsels or procures another to engage in acts of homosexuality.”
5. Three years in prison for anyone with religious, poitical, economic or social authority who fails to report anyone violating the act.
6. Seven years in prison for family and friends who fail to report homosexuals to authorities.
7. Seven years in prison for landlords who rent rooms or homes to homosexuals.
Discrimination against homosexuals has reached such a level that the few who are open about their sexual orientation are encouraging others not to come out so they can avoid the consequences. Uganda had been successful in lowering the incidence of HIV from just under 30% to a little over 5%, but now those working in HIV prevention could be subject to imprisonment.
Six months ago, my partner and I were legally married in Iowa after almost 24 years together. Three hundred guests came to celebrate our commitment in a joyous celebration.
Recently, when registering for a medical procedure, the receptionist saw Doug’s name listed as my spouse, and she asked, “Is Doug your husband?” I was surprised by the question because I am still not used to hearing him referred to in that way, but also because she asked me without a trace of surprise or judgment in her voice. Sometimes, I forget how good I have it.
To be sure, things aren’t so good for everyone in the United States, nor have they always been so good for us in Iowa. Several years ago a friend of mine, Ken, was murdered by two men who picked him up in a gay cruising area in Des Moines. During the trial one of them testified that homosexuals deserved to die for their behavior. I can only imagine that the looks on their faces as they stabbed Ken to death, were similar to the looks of the men in that first photo.
I hear everyday from people throughout the world about their lives as gay men. A married father from India begged me to tell help him find a way to make his homosexual attractions stop. A Muslim from Indonesia who is planning to get married because his religion expects it of him. An Asian immigrant who feels he must choose between ethnicity and sexuality; he cannot tell his family he is gay because he fears rejection by his family and the entire immigrant community. An black man from the South who says that he cannot come out because “The South expects certain things of you, and being gay isn’t one of them.”
Yes, I certainly am blessed to have a family, church and community who are supportive.
Gay boomers know what it is like to have been raised in a world that rejected us for our sexual orientation. In Idaho in the 1950’s there was a witch hunt for men “who were infecting” boy with homosexuality. J. Edgar Hoover — rumored to have been a cross-dresser — spent 35 years chasing Adlai Stevenson around the world trying to prove that he was homosexual because he hated Stevenson’s liberal politics. In the 1960’s a CBS Report said that homosexuals are incapable of relationships other than a series of one night stands.
The extreme criminal penalties proposed in the bill further marginalize men who have sex with men (MSM,) a community that is already criminalized in Uganda, as well as highly stigmatized and vulnerable to HIV infection.
As a physician I am concerned about the public health issues because the harsh penalties in this bill will jeopardize relationships of people with HIV and their health care providers and drive MSM underground, frightening them into silence and accelerating the risks of HIV transmission.
It is distressing to me that much of what is occurring in Uganda is a consequence of encouragement of American religious conservatives just as they are attacking us here in the United States. I have struggled myself to reconcile my own Christianity with these attitudes until I found a church which embraces diversity and affirms the dignity of every person and “celebrates all loving and committed relationships.”
Not everyone feels the need for religion, and many say, “I am spiritual, just not religious.” I used to say that myself, but I needed the grounding I found in my religious faith, but for a long time it seemed I would have to choose between religion and sexual orientation.
I feel very lucky indeed. I have found someone to love, and I have a family and community who support us. I have found a church which honors our relationship and married us. I live in a state where it is possible for us to legally be husband and husband.
At the same time, I cannot remove the sadness I feel for others less fortunate than I.
The rich can afford their indiscretions
The rich are said to be able to afford their indiscretions because they have the power and money to conceal them. Gay professional athletes, actors, wealthy businessmen and politicians are notable examples.
It is interesting to contrast their lives with a young Southerner who placed this (slightly edited) ad on Craig’s List, under “Men Seeking Men”:
Are there any other bi/closeted/gay (RED) NECKS like me around? I’m lookin for the real deal. Lookin for friends…more if we are alright together. Someone who likes to hunt, fish, mud, etc. Someone who smokes cigs, or dips, or both because I do both. Someone who if you were to come over to the house, no one would be able to tell. If you’re over 30 dont hesitate to respond, we just couldn’t hang out at the house with the buds. I ain’t out nor do I wanna be and I ain’t sayin a damn thang to anybody. SO YES DISCRETION IS A MUST!
Money wasn’t enough to help Lord Browne of Madingley, formerly Chief Executive of British Petroleum (BP) who was forced to resign when it was discovered that he had a relationship with Jeff Chevalier, a gay escort he’d met on a site called, “Suited and Booted.”
For several years, even though his homosexuality was something of an open secret, Lord Browne had refused to admit he was gay because he believed that the world of the corporate petroleum industry would not have been accepting of it.
Lord Madingley was alleged to have misused BP resource by making substantial payments to Chevalier, establishing him in luxury accommodations, taking him on holidays, purchasing clothes for him and establishing him in a business. Lord Browne was exposed as a liar, humiliating himself in the process. He is now in a relationship with a man and says that he is now feeling liberated even beyond the obvious ways.
Gay Malawi couple, imprisoned
In most of Africa heterosexuality is compulsory and there is no separate “gay identity.” Identity isn’t defined by the gender of ones sexual attraction and homosex isn’t seen as “real” sex. For many of these people, homosex is an act that one does, not an identity, something one is. Those who do identify as “homosexual” are ostracized, disempowered and discriminated against and threatened with prolonged jail terms.
In rural areas of Africa, as well as many rural areas throughout the United States and the rest of the world, there is an even greater requirement for hetero-normativity. The rural masculinity model means not only being heterosexually partnered but often includes a need to over-compensate by having multiple partners, particularly heterosexual ones.Because of this, many stay “imprisoned” in a heterosexual relationships they would rather not be in.
Resolving conflicts about sexual orientation is complex, and various closets exist within distinct and diverse cultures and societies. For those who are part of communities in rural America, immigrant populations and fundamentalist religions, three key institutions are involved: Home, church and school.
Homosexuality may be seen as a temptation by the devil, and may be seen differently depending upon whether or not one is the penetrative or non-penetrative partner. It may be seen as pernicious and threatening, but if it is a sin, thus forgivable, and it is said that Baptists love a repentant sinner.
Although Islam and Christianity, especially the most fundamentalist congregations, have fueled much of the bigotry toward the gay community, giving up ties to religious traditions is too much for some. When those religions see homosexuality as behaviors which are forgivable rather than identity which is immutable, they believe that through the power of prayer and healing, those behaviors can be, must be, changed.
In resolving the conflict about sexual orientation and disclosure of it, the place where each life intersects with his religious and cultural tradition is often the most challenging to resolve. Two things are true: 1. Same sex attraction is not going to go away, and despite their claims, reparative therapy can not make that happen, and 2. For the most part, religions are uncompromising on the issue of homosexuality.
But failing to address the conflict is not a resolution of the conflict. It often simply leads to living a pretence and continuing to engage in illicit sex in sleazy, clandestine venues like public parks and restrooms, exposing oneself and one’s partner to disease, the risks of public humiliation, and reinforcing a sense of shame and guilt.