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A Young Gay Man Loves an Older Man

Monday, January 17, 2011

I just received this correspondence and felt it was important enough to print it as an essay rather than to leave it buried in the comments following another essay. It comes up frequently, and I know many others will want to read it:

I have to say reading these stories has made me feel so much better about my situation.

I am 22 and my partner of 5 months is 44. We really love each other and get along so well but there are a few things that we run into when we think about our future and hope to get some other point of views than ours.

The first obstacle is that neither of us are out yet. We are both very masculine and are not flamboyant. We met on an online site that came up when I searched masculine gay online. We didn’t know each other that well but decided to meet up and haven’t looked back since.

The second would be the long distance aspect of our relationship. Most people advise me not to try the long distance because it is too hard. I have found it is very hard but we have seen each other 4 times in 5 months and while this is not very much we still have a great relationship. The great part about our relationship is our communication and our trust. I completely trust him and he trusts me. We talk everyday and skype often as well.

I am graduating from college in May and with this coming up it is all starting to sneak up on me soon. We talk about moving in together after I graduate and it is what we are both looking forward to since we want to be together. He is very professional and has a career that keeps him busy. I will graduate college and am looking to start mine.

This is where the third obstacle comes into play. As if coming out to my friends and family weren’t enough, the age factor makes it so much tougher. So I’m supposed to tell my parents, who I’m dependent of as of now, that first of all I’m gay, I have a boyfriend that is 44, and I plan on moving across the country to live with him when I graduate? I am already anticipating shock to say the least. My parents are very loving and don’t think they’ll have as much a problem with the gay part as the age difference part. My mother is pretty protective as parents go, so I am positive she will be very concerned.

When we are together it seems like none of this matters because we are just so happy. We just spent a week together in Florida on vacation and didn’t leave each others side for 5 minutes. We did everything together and were happy the whole time, I don’t even think we fought about anything. This is how I know we will be compatible.

Another thing that we talk about is some people like the certain kinky aspect of being with an older man, such as the “daddy” parts of it. Neither of us look exclusively for older or younger but it just so happened it worked out this way this time. Our sex life is fantastic and I am actually more assertive in bed and like to take over most of the time.

I also worry about the way people will view us. I am not looking for someone to take care of me as I know I’m intelligent enough to make it on my own and will be successful in life. It just seems like people will jump to that conclusion and it bothers me. I am graduating in a few months and do not have a job lined up yet, so it is possible he will be supporting me at first until I get one. He says he doesn’t have a problem with it but I just worry if I don’t find one soon.

There are just so many things that I need to deal with before I feel like we can be together. I am looking for some advice, opinions, or any kind of feedback to ease my mind. I love him very much and am willing to do whatever it takes to be with him, but it just seems so hard.

Joe

Loren’s response:

Joe,

Congratulations on your new relationship and your approaching graduation from college. This is an exciting time in your life.

Taking our vows

My partner/husband and I are fifteen years different in age, and we rarely realized the difference. I look at age as more than a number. It is, of course, your chronological age, but it is your health age, your sexual age and your psychological age all put together. It really just tells you how many candles to put on the cake.

But realistically, some issues do come up. In our case, for example, we are approaching retirement at different times.

Some gay men have told me that when they are in an older/younger relationship, they have had to come out twice. First they come out as gay, and then they come out as someone who prefers a relationship with an older/younger man. Some have said that their friends are more critical than their families, making comments like, “It’s like buying milk that’s well past its expiration date!”

Coming out is a process, not an event, a process by which individuals come to realize, act on, and privately accept their same sex orientation, even if they do not disclose to others.

You can choose to tell some and not others. You are fortunate that you have a loving and supportive family, and while they may not understand it, chances are good that their love for you will cause them to respect your choice – even though it may take a while for them to do so. After all, your boyfriend is probably about their age.

No one can explain why we are attracted to whom we are attracted.

Loren and Doug's Wedding Reception

A new relationship is always a time of discovery. Although you’re over the moon at this point, both of you will discover things about each other that will cause tension and conflict. Learning how to resolve conflict and work through these differences is what will make the relationship stronger.

A failure to learn conflict resolution will undermine every relationship, no matter what ages you are. The fact that you are communicating about your concerns is important. Many of the younger/older relationships are quite successful, but as with any relationship, it takes work.

Long distance relationships are difficult, for sure, but modern technology has resolved many of the problems related to communicating and it even allows for at least a two dimensional expression of your sexuality.

All good relationships are based on trust. Trust is sometimes difficult to establish and it is easily lost. Honesty is essential. Once trust is damaged, it can be difficult to re-establish, but it can come with work and communication. Your trust in each other is a good foundation for the relationship.

Changes, even when they are good ones, present stress. If your partner is not out, he will have some explaining to do. You will just be beginning your career; jobs can be difficult to find. You may be dependent upon your partner financially for a while, but all relationships are based on shifting dependencies. One is often in a stronger position than the other, and then it shifts in the other direction.

When my husband and I got together, we had a big disparity in our incomes. We couldn’t split expenses 50/50, so we split them based on our relative incomes; it worked fine for us. That way we could do some of the things we wouldn’t have been able to had we split it 50/50, and he felt he was paying his way. You don’t sound like someone who is looking to be taken care of and I believe it is dehumanizing to be taken care of more than is essential.

Your parents are loving, but they are also going to be protective. They will not want you to get hurt, so they may have some objections. Becoming an adult who feels good about themselves really means making choices that are right for you.

No one ever learns self-esteem by making choices only because others will approve of them. Acknowledge their concern and ask them to trust your judgment. But remember, you have been struggling with coming out for a long time, and they are just going to be beginning the process. Give them time. Hopefully in time, they will see the things about your partner that you love and begin to love them too. The age difference will then disappear.

I don’t consider the “Daddy” issue “kinky.” There are some who enjoy a “Daddy/Son” sexual role play, but in most younger/older relationships, the dynamics of the age difference is much more than sexual role playing.

As I said, attractions are not something that can be explained. Think of the term “Daddy” and what it represents; maturity, stability, caring, compassion, warmth. One young man said to me, “I like older men because they have all their corners rounded off.” I love that metaphor.

You must let go of worrying about what others will think. Some will say you are only looking for a “sugar daddy;” ignore them. Many younger men get justifiably angry about being accused of seeking someone to take care of them. They know, as does Joe, that they are fully capable of taking care of themselves. Joe, only you know your motives and you don’t need their approval. You are accountable to no one except yourself and your partner.

No one ever finds happiness by trying to gain approval from others. If you live your life to please others, they are in control of your life; you have abdicated that role. You must live you life to please yourselves and hope that others will approve of your choices. It is the most critical step in feeling true to yourself and developing lasting self confidence and self esteem.

Coming out is about saying, “This is who I am! I hope you approve, but if not, I regret it, but I cannot live my life to make you happy.” Those who love you will come around. If they don’t, you must question their value to you as a friend.

Thanks for your question. I hope this has been helpful. Perhaps others will want to comment, too.

Loren Olson



26 Responses to “A Young Gay Man Loves an Older Man”

  1. Bill Schaefer says:

    Great reply Loren.

    Most young gay people need and want the wisdom of older men. I am 71 and live with a 19 yr old “Roommate”. We don’t discuss labels and have a great gay life.

    We are both Irish so we drink and fight on a regular basis. As I get older it is refreshing to see him grow into a responsible young man. I hope when I am gone he values our time together and perhaps takes someone under his wing.

  2. Loren A. Olson M.D. says:

    In my experience, “young” men who prefer older men, continue to prefer older men, no matter how old they get.

    Chances are good that after you’re gone, if he looks for another partner, it will also be someone who is older than he is.

    One added thought that recently has come home to me — painfully: It isn’t always the older partner who dies first. I had never before considered I might out-live my younger partner/husband. It came as quite a shock.

  3. Pewit says:

    Like many others, I have always been attracted to older men and have been through a *very* long-distance relationship (UKAustralia) and successfully come out the other side – we now live together in Australia and have a UK Civil Partnership. There is a 25 year age gap between us and we couldn’t be happier.

    That said, I had an earlier 18 year weekend relationship with my previous partner who was also 25 year older whom I met him when I was 23. With 20:20 hindsight it wasn’t what I wanted or needed but at the time I didn’t have enough experience to know.

    So my advice is don’t get trapped in a hidden, closeted relationship – if it doesn’t feel like a *real relationship* and one or both of you are being exploited – then it probably isn’t and there are plenty more frogs to kiss.

    Oh, and if you are looking for more frogs (or even daddies!), try http://www.graygay.com/links_dating.htm for reviews of dating sites for older/younger men.

  4. Josh says:

    I am a 25 year old male who is mainly attracted to older men. Two months ago I came out to my family and told all my friends.

    My parents are very southern, conservative, Christians. Yes, they were shocked and did not want to accept it at first but they love me for who I am and I’m sure your parents do too.

    I’ve told all my friends that I am gay and only like older men who are twice my age. Every one has been very accepting. The ones who I thought wouldn’t understand were all very cool about it. “Don’t be shy, just let your feelings roll on by…”

    It gets easier and easier the more people you tell and you will find that many people will respect you more for being so honest, not only by saying your gay but also with being honest about your feelings toward older men. Good luck with your partner.

  5. Loren A. Olson M.D. says:

    Josh, Thanks for your comment.

    One of my favorite sayings is “Losses loom larger than gains.”

    In other words, in making a decision, whether it is to come out, buy a new car, or change jobs, we always magnify the negatives and minimize the positives. It is very true about coming out. Most of the time it goes better than we believe it will. Not always, however. But as you said, it just gets easier, better and better.

    Loren Olson

  6. Davon Banner says:

    This goes for all that replied: Have a plan that works well with realtionships.

    Make sure you know what you want and how to get it. Don’t over-think your goals in life. Make your money the right way. Then once that happens, make your realtionship known. Once you have a plan and fiancial independence you will knock down anything that gets in your way.

    Tell your family but let them know you’re older and wiser. Also tell them, “I am grown and I make my own rules.” The only thing you need from other people are support and love. I know it’s great to let people help financially but it will be worth more if you try and do on your own

  7. Davon Banner says:

    So whatever you guys are going through and need someone to talk to, you can contact me.

    I am a 21 yr old college theater grad from south Georgia. I have mentored same sex couples for years through a legit program. I don’t judge or get you to change who you are. You have to go through life strong minded. what I mean by that is stay focus on what you know is right.

    [Loren's comment: I have withheld his address. If you wish to contact him, contact me for his address.]

  8. Kieran says:

    I am currently 18 dating someone 33. I was totally out and strong-willed about my sexuality since 16. I agree with many views in this blog/review. Ever since I remember I’ve always been attracted to older men or bears. To me the age is only a number. Love has nothing to do with an age. When I told my mom I liked bears or older men, it was definantly like coming out twice. My mom couldn’t wrap her head around the idea until I told her love isn’t a age or number. And she went on talking about how you both wouldn’t be financially intertwined. Last time I checked money or age didn’t have to do with love. I am not looking for a sugar daddy. She now understands after 3 months of dating my older boyfriend.

    [Loren's comment: I liked this so much I decided to make a post of it.]

  9. [...] received this comment in response to an earlier post.  I thought it was important enough to share as a separate [...]

  10. Bobby says:

    I’m 21 and have been for over a year partnered with a 55 year old man…were both very masculine and in the closet….we both want to come out but we often worry more about how people will act towards our age difference…though i strongly believe age shouldn’t matter when 2 people love each other…

  11. Nik says:

    Wow, what a nice release to read all of your comments. It´s hard to find serious statements about that topic on the internet nowadays.

    My name is Nik, I am 23 years old and in a relationship with a 52-year old man. I live in Berlin and my boyfriend lives 300 miles away from me.

    I used to date women until 2009 but I always knew that there´s an inner attraction to older men. We´ve been dating for 2 months now and what can I say?? I am absolutely happy to have him on my side! We get along so well and we can talk about anything.

    I haven´t come out yet. It´s so hard, especially because everybody considers me as some kind of “womanizer.” I always “enjoyed” that role, but as I get older, I know that being someone who everybody wants me to be, is ridiculous and pretty exhausting.

    My 52-years old love has told some of his friends about me and yesterday he came clean talking with his brother. He´s now very relieved and tries to encourage me to do the same. But I´m not ready. Yet.

    Hopefully, this thread will continue. Thanks a lot for your statements. They all helped me amazingly.

    Nik

  12. Loren A. Olson M.D. says:

    Loren’s Comment:

    Please continue to follow. This topic comes up frequently and generates a lot of discussion. You might search the site, using “older/younger,” “intergenerational relationships,” and “cross generational relationships.”

    Thanks for your comment and support

  13. Matt says:

    I have been in a relationship with my older partner for nearly 3 years now, I am 25 and he is 62.
    Most of my family know about our relationship (besides my father).
    Never been happier and the scene in London is perfect for us to be ou and about together.

  14. Greg says:

    Hi, I’m 26 and I’ve been in a very loving relationship for almost 4 years with a 51 year old.

    We met on yahoo personals. We hit it off immediately. A year later i moved in with him the next state over, New Jersey. We are very happy together, we have even talked if a civil union. Although the past years has had its rough spots. This type of relationship can be hard but it can work. If love is truly what its about.

    Its not easy, it requires work.

    But when i was 18 started a nightmare of a relationship with a 48 yo. Met on match.com of all places. Turned out i knew him when I was even younger. Anyway, I was naive at that age, thought i was madly in love. Never realized i was being taken advantage of. I was in college, told my parents eveything,

    I moved in with him. Went to school for 4 years. The whole time he cheated and all that crap. Crazy four years. Moved out and met my current man. Ive never felt so cared for in my life and never loved another man as much as him. As for the daddy/son thing, he jokes around about it but its not an issue or really brought up. I love the dynamics of our relationship. It will always be the dom/sub thing. Can’t change it, anyway, thanks for reading.

    Good luck to all.

  15. David says:

    I am am 47 year old, met this nice guy three years ago, he was in a relationship, we went on a date and never spoke again. About a month ago, we reconnected and the same attraction is there.

    He is 25 and I am so nervous. He is kind and honest and after reading the other post, I am going to relax and give it chance.

    Loren’s Comment:

    What are your biggest worries?

  16. DC says:

    I’m 18 and currently dating someone who is 27 years older than myself. I’ve always been attracted to older men, even when I was much younger. We met online and hit it off immediately.

    At first he lied about his age. He said he was 36, even though I thought he did look older. It turned out that he was 45, but that didn’t really bother me. I could sense that he felt true remorse, because he thought I was going to leave him.

    His family is so accepting of everything. I don’t really know if they like me or not, but the age/gay “issue”: isn’t really an “issue” with them. He came out to his family several years ago, so it’s not really a big deal.

    My family though….my mom is on the verge of hating me (even more than she does now). I have a feeling I will eventually have to excommunicate her. My dad doesn’t like the situation, but he knows he can’t do anything about it. I can’t ever bring him to meet any of my relatives. None of them. It makes me sad, but it can’t be helped.

    People just don’t accept it. Only one of my friends knows and doesn’t care, and that’s only because he dated someone older as well.

    My parents think he is taking advantage of me. What does that even feel like? Maybe I’m just naive, but I’m a forgive but never forget type of person. I don’t understnad how he could be taking advantage of me. I mean, what is he stealing from me? Affection? I give that away for free to anyone who is willing to accept it.

    To be honest, before I met him I was struggling with depression, perfectionism, and disordered eating. I was in an unstable state. I was in a void. Before college, I was transient; no really good friends, I was a jack-of-all-trades. I floated between social groups like a phantom. Then when I got to college, it was the same, only worse. There were so many people. Nobody I met wanted to be friendly beyond everyday pleasantries. And on top of that, I didn’t have the security of living at home. I was spiraling.

    The I met this wonderful man who managed to bring me back, even if he knew nothing about how damaged my mind was.Sometimes those issues rear their heads, but I try to keep it contained the best I can. He doesn’t need to put up with my baggage, especially since he works so much and has a fairly stressful job.

    Sometimes I wish we could leave everything. Break all ties. I don’t belong to either sides of my family. I am a black sheep. And I don’t mean that in an angsty way. I wish I could cleanse my mind of everything and start anew. I want to live my life without having to dance for the audience. I’m not that strong.

    I love this man more than I’ve ever loved anyone, including my parents. Is that so wrong?

    And…I’m rambling. I’ll stop now.

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  18. DougA says:

    I have a situation that I’m trying to figure out, I’m a 45 year old closeted gay man. I have a 25 year old male aquaintance at work that kept asking me to go out, I always made up some excuse not to, even though I am very attracted to him. Just a couple of weeks ago, he texted me and told me that he was going to my work on saturday (my day off) and wait for me in the cold from 6pm to 9pm to entice me to go out with him. He said to play pool, or have coffee or whatever. A little after 7pm that night, after several texts back and forth, I felt bad that he was out there pacing on the sidewalk in the cold, while waiting for me.
    I told him.. FINE.. I’ll come down there.. his next response was… Just to make things clear, I’m straight… I had never told him I was gay, so why would he even bring this up? I picked him up, we had a pleasant time and have since then, gone on a few outings together. I’m still wondering why .. but he treats me with very complimentary comments and wants to hang out more and more. I’m just lost in this behavior.. anyone have a clue to his intentions? lol

  19. DougA says:

    I must add, I’m just the average pot bellied looking guy.. he’s hella cute, handsome, beautiful smile, eyes, young, thin, great personality, americanized russian guy. I have the biggest butterflies I’ve ever had for anyone.. and I will not make any moves to make him distrust our friendship that we currently have.. but I am so confused at the moment.

  20. jason says:

    my name is [name withheld].living in the philippines i am 26years As a person I like to think of myself as confident but not overly. I’m a very humble man. I understand that there’s a time to give and be loving and understanding. I also believe in standing up for what I believe and not being walked on. I’m always there for my friends and loved ones. I don’t run from adversity. I care what people think of me because I believe in being the best man I can be. I want people who come across me to think “hey what a cool guy”. It’s not about attention for me. It’s about the importance of ones own honor and respect for those around me.
    i am a suicidal type of person i used to drinks perfume,take high dosage of medicine…
    i have no self confident,i am a shy type of person i am afraid to mingle with other..i am prefer to stay home and play volleyball,reading book,and if i have money i use to go online to make some blog about what is happening in my life,i don’t have personal computer!
    i don’t have a strong faith to god its maybe because of what is happening to my life…and sometime hurting my self is one of my way to ease all of my problem!!
    if i fell the hurt i think all of my problem are gone..
    I am a person who has a great ambition in life,a person who wanted to finish my studies ,likewise a person who try the best that i can,and not afraid to fail because i believe that failure is just only a challenge on us to believe ourselves more similarly I am a person who has a good attitude or characteristics to someone,,the custom that I possess are ;trustworthy,honest,religious,and most of all respectful,caring,loving,and simple,,, I know from that custom that I possess were really help me to achieve my dreams and goals
    Hopes and dreams are like fleeting birds at night every searching it seems until they are realized,, I cant deny the fact that i really want to meet a person that has a good heart,wherein he will accept me for who i am…….a person who is understanding in all aspect of life.because I came from a poor and simple family,my father is only a farmer,and my loving mother is a house wife ,,I am the 4th siblings in my family cant afford to pay my tuition fee in school but still i am doing my best!! right now I AM a College student taken up BACHELOR IN SECONDARY EDUCATION,, I sacrifice working even I am studying,,I study hard,,,I worked because it really help in my studies,,,, to all of you,,i really knock your heart to help me,,to tell you honestly, I LOVED STUDIES!!
    I may be typical, but this typical is in her utmost uniqueness to the ones brave enough to unfold it. I’d rather be hated for who I am. Than, being loved for who I am not. I am me. I love the wind. I love the warmth of the sand embracing my feet. I love poetry. I love simplicity. I love flying balloons. I love the bitterness of coffee during rainy season. I love books. . I love music that coincides with travel. I love kites. I love freedom. I love ice cream. I love laughing.I love multi-tasking. I love intellectual conversations. I love photographs and butterflies. I love writing. I love hugging. I love prayers and the Big Man above. I once,twice, many times failed, I’ve been hurt much,but I continue loving & moving forward to where I wanna be because of the people behind me that made me stronger & better person.I’m calculated but spontaneous. Irrational yet thoughtful.Opinionated but open minded. Difficult to fathom and to be understood.Witty and sparkly…spazzy at times. Miserable but loving every minute of it.To summarize everything, I LOVE THE SIMPLICITY OF LIFE AMIDST THE COMPLEXITIES OF Human As someone with moderate self-confidence, you generally feel comfortable interacting with other people. In particular, you find the company of friends comforting and occasionally enjoy meeting new people. You tend to be relaxed in groups, which makes people around you relaxed too. Perhaps because you feel comfortable talking about yourself, others tend to enjoy being around you and perceive you as friendly.
    Your social confidence also spills into your personal beliefs about yourself. Although you have several strengths, you tend to acknowledge and accept your weaknesses. However, you sometime regret things you’ve done or said in the past, and occasionally get embarrassed by these things.
    When it comes to your professional life, you tend to set moderate to high standards for yourself. Your work performance should provide ample evidence for this. With this and your sociability, friends and colleagues tend to see you as someone who can provide sound advice.
    [information withheld]

  21. Anton says:

    I am an older man and since I was very young I could only dream about younger guys.

    I am extremely nice with young men but now I gave up trying to find anybody to love because I cannot believe that young men can fall in love with somebody like me.

    Still I dream at least about having young gay friends!

  22. Wen says:

    I felt euphoria reading all of your very interesting stories about A Young Gay Man Loves an Older Man.

    I never thought that I would be able to find this website and read such amazing love stories, just like those stories closer to the greatest literature even written.

    They are very inspiring to me that they’ve sparked my spirit to share mine.

    My name is Wen and I also like mature men/daddies. I’m currently in a relationship with my lover who is 13 years older than I am (let’s assume that I’m already 23). He just turned 36 and I’ll be turning 23 next month.

    We are also in a long distance relationship as I’m from the Philippines and he is from Canada.

    I know it’s pretty hard to be in a long distance relationship but being so far away from each other was never a hindrance to us.

    We are in our relationship for six months now and we are both happy about it.

    We communicate with each other by sending emails every day, getting on Skype, and talking over the phone.

    I don’t want to talk about my previous relationship as it was a nightmare to me. But just to share with you something about it, I had a relationship with an Asian guy who now lives in the US. He’s 17 years older than I am.

    Our not-so-good relationship lasted for about a year. It ended very horrible to me after I knew that he still loves his ex who used to be his live – in partner for about seven years.

    He told me that he’ll never let me down but he just did after he told me that he doesn’t have the guts to find for someone else yet, as his ex still holds a very big place in his heart.

    I couldn’t blame him anyway, as seven years with his ex is such a long time for them to have good memories shared together.

    But I felt so down during that time and was crying for almost all of the time. After I realized that I need to move on, I went into a gay dating site hoping that I could find my true love.

    I keep on wishing that someday, I could find my true lover who will never let me cry like what the previous one did.

    Into my my surprise, the heavens have answered my prayers and my dream came true. It’s like a genie in a bottle who granted my wish.

    Someone chatted with me and with our nice conversation, good feelings bloomed between the two of us.

    Days go by and we keep on chatting with each other. He sends me emails every day and when I get home from work, that’s the first thing I do, checking on his emails.

    He is very loving, caring, kind, honest, down to earth, considerate and above all, has fear to God.

    We love and trust each other so much. Even if we are very far, we know that this is what we really want as we both feel the same way.

    One of the things that makes me feel very special to him is that,
    even how tired he is from work, he manages to spend time with me.

    He never fails to make me smile each day. His very sweet emails and nice jokes and very cute smile as we chat and see on Skype video, do really make me feel super happy and so special to him.

    I know he is already the right one whom I’ve been looking for a very long time.

    I’ve never been so happy like this and I’m very, very thankful to God that I finally found him — having him in my life makes me feel that I’m the luckiest person on earth.

    I love him and respect him with all my heart.

    I love him so much — above and beyond.

    Love is indeed magnificent as they say. It goes beyond the borders of time, age, gender and even geographic walls.

  23. Jay says:

    I am so happy to have found this forum. I just turned 30, 3 days ago and I am completely in love with this 45 y/o man. He is just the cutest thing on earth.

    We met on SCRUFF to potentially hook up, we kept on chatting for months but never met. One fine day I decided to meet him and we gelled very well.

    Since then I’ve been meeting him very often to a point were I expressed my love for him. I guess you can say that I really liked him and was falling head over heals.

    We decided to be honest and talk to each other if we had problem between us, no matter what. And what eventually happened from being so honest that he expressed to me his shortcomings in having a relationship at this point.

    We know there is a age difference between us. But to me age is just a number. I feel really good things for him but I am forced to not think too much or not see him too often.

    I don’t know if things are ever going to work out between us because I don’t want this to be a one way thing. However, I am hopeful.

    Would appreciate any comments and support.

  24. JayR says:

    i’m an asian, and currently having a relationship with a guy whose age is 20 years older than mine. we’ve been together for about 12 years now. the first time i met him, he was a married guy with a child. surprisingly, he left his wife and a child after our 6 months in discreet relationship. though i felt sorry and guilt for his family but i couldn’t resist my feelings for him, likewise, i also left my girlfriend that i spent 7 mos in a relationship. we did those things maybe because we tried to be truthful to ourselves and maybe because we wanted to utilize the real desire in us – as being made like this. we cannot afford to deprive ourselves anymore from what we want, so we took a risk and now living together miles away from families. we faced a lot of feedback during then but were all gone in a shorter time because we fought for the love. unexpectedly, most of the family members were knew about our relationship and accepted us. my only problem is my sister, bec she married with a church pastor. i guess she already has a hint from us but i say no definite words yet. gladly, on my partner’s siblings and relatives, they are very well loving and supporting us. btw, i always reminding my partner to have a regular communication with his daughter and gladly he does. so as we go along for more years in living together with our three lovely four-legged kids, we are wishing also for more happiness and love upon us.

  25. One of my favorite sayings comes from Buddhism: Love and risk are inseparable.

    Love does not come with a guarantee. For most of us, the joy of loving overpowers the risk. All relationships demand work and attention, and they have their highs and lows. It can take a lot of work to get through the low points sometimes, but it can take the relationship to new levels.

  26. Wen says:

    I totally agree Dr. Loren.

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