Archive for February, 2011
“Finally Out: Letting Go of Living Straight” now available
I have received many questions about the availability of Finally Out: Letting Go of Living Straight.
Our distributor will sell the books to any bookstore, from small LGBT
independent stores to Barnes and Noble. The ebook is available on every device, including
Kindle, iBooks, Nook, and Kobo.
The paperback (aside from bookstores)will be on Amazon, FinallyOutBook.com and inGroupPress.com.The
paperback will also be featured at trade shows using a group
that displays books at medical conferences and events.
I am available to do book signings. Just ask.
Loren Olson
Too Old for Sex at Forty?
“Why come out at forty? You’re too old for sex,” so said a young twenty-something.
This thinking is wrong on three counts:
1. Forty is the infancy of old age
2. Men and women have sex well into late life
3. Being gay is about far more than just having sex.
Some will question my authority about being an expert on coming out in midlife, when I couldn’t figure out my own sexuality until I was forty. I suppose that one’s life never seems odd to themselves, but I never believed that my situation was all that unique.
In doing my research and writing Finally Out: Letting Go of Living Straight, my hypothesis was that coming out in midlife is more common than thought and the process of coming out in midlife is more complex – but not necessarily more difficult — than to come out at a younger age. One of the participants in my research survey came out after 53 years of marriage to a woman, and he now is living happily with his gay partner.
To read the rest of this essay, click Psychology Today.
Pain and Being Gay on Valentine’s Day
This essay was originally posted on Huffington Post:
Even though for most people Valentine’s Day is a night for great romance, almost from the time I came out at 40, for me it has been bittersweet. Although for 24 years I have shared many romantic Valentine’s Days with Doug, the love of my life to whom I am now legally married, on Valentine’s Day two of my best friends died tragically because they were gay. There is a strange irony that loving someone of the same sex could bring both such joy and such pain.I met Ken in a support group for gay fathers. The group was instrumental in resolving many of the conflicts I had about my hidden homosexual desires. Everyone there had come out to their wives and they were seeking to find ways to deal with the loss of losing their families. These men were my entire circle of friends when I first came out.
Ken was my mentor in how to be gay while at the same time remaining a good father. His daughter, Jennifer, lived with him, and I hoped my own daughters could learn from her how to deal with having a gay father.
Ken had just come out of a long term relationship. Not wanting to be alone on Valentines Day, 1988, and not having connected with anyone at the gay bar, Ken went to a cruising area of Des Moines and picked up two young men and took them to his apartment. These two men, Gary Titus and “Billy” Green, stabbed Ken to death. Jennifer, asleep in the next room when her father was murdered, discovered his body in the morning. Titus later testified, “All gay people should be dead.” His wish took a strange twist when his brother sent a letter to him in jail telling him he was gay; his brother later died of AIDS.
To read the rest of the Huffington Post essay, “The Pain of Being Gay on Valentine’s Day“
I received this message of Face Book concerning my recent post of the Huffington Post:
Dr. Olson,
A dear friend just posted your story ‘The Pain of Being Gay on Valentine’s Day’. As I read it struck such a nerve that I cried. Your story moved me – maybe because I’m Gay or because I’m from Des Moines and understand the repressive attitudes and actions of our heartland communities.
Mike
Even though for most people Valentine’s Day is a night for great romance, almost from the time I came out at 40, for me it has been bittersweet. Although for 24 years I have shared many romantic Valentine’s Days with Doug, the love of my life to whom I am now legally married, on Valentine’s Day two of my best friends died tragically because they were gay. There is a strange irony that loving someone of the same sex could bring both such joy and such pain.
I met Ken in a support group for gay fathers. The group was instrumental in resolving many of the conflicts I had about my hidden homosexual desires. Everyone there had come out to their wives and they were seeking to find ways to deal with the loss of losing their families. These men were my entire circle of friends when I first came out.
Psychology Today
I haven’t retired!
It’s been a while since I’ve posted but I have been busy:
- New, regular column on Psychology Today web site – First post is “Too Old for Sex?”
- Essay for Journal of Marriage and Family Therapy called “My husband is having an affair. . . with a man” (scheduled for publication)
- Another journal article
- A web page exclusive article
- Book promotion
- Several speaking engagements
Early sales and reviews of Finally Out have been good. Here’s one I just received from Tom Mendicino, author of PROBATION (and you must read his book too): ”Dr. Olson provides of wealth of essential information and resources not only for men who have sex with men and emerge from their closets in mid-life or later, but also for those isolated by geography from large metropolitan gay communities . . . Highly recommended.”
Now close to 3000 friends of Facebook, so having trouble keeping up with the correspondence. Had to deal with some inappropriate and offensive pictures place on my wall, but I think it’s taken care of. When I wrote to one man who had placed a photo of his “alert” genitalia, I told him that I could “friend” him because of the photo. He wrote back, “You’re gay, aren’t you.” I responded, just because I’m gay doesn’t mean I want to look at every man’s penis.”
I need to finish the post on Keith and have a couple of other personal stories waiting to be edited and posted. Please bear with me during this busy time of the book’s launch.
