I just received this comment in regard to an earlier post.  Because it really needs to be read, I’m sharing it here, too.

I am a 56 year old woman, happily married for 23 years to a terrific man, with whom I have a son.

I consider myself to be so very lucky for this, as my childhood was so dysfunctional, and until five years ago, I never knew why. My mother was the 7th of 10 kids in a Polish Catholic family, and unlike all her siblings, who married early, she waited until she was 33.

I suspect that her family was quite adamant about her getting serious and starting a family before it was too late. And so, her brothers matched her up with a guy they all worked with, my dad, who was a Jehovah’s Witness. That in itself was a red flag; however, I don’t remember any tender moments between them, or any signs of affection from her to my father (although, he was crazy about her). Can’t even figure out how they managed to produce not only me, but my sister, two years later.

Then things between them really got bad. They stopped talking to each other when I was 12, and we two kids wound up as referees in their never-ending skirmishes. They finally, and thankfully, divorced after 32 years; my father died 11 years later.

Five years ago, while talking to my mom on the phone, about nothing in particular (I live 3000 miles away these days), there was a long silence, and then she suddenly said out of the blue, “I’m sorry about what I did to you kids growing up. I’m sorry about what I did to your father. I never loved him. I didn’t even like him. I don’t like men.”

I wish I could say that my jaw dropped at this admission, but frankly, it was just something in my head that said, “Well, now I know why things were the way they were.” I was just glad to have her say something about it, finally. She was 90 years old.

Today, she is 95, and she has refused to bring it up ever again, and I have quit trying to prod her. My sister doesn’t believe what I told her. I just want Mom to know that it’s OK, I’m just glad she finally told me; it gave me closure. But I wish she had come out long before…

My Dad truly never knew what he had done to her, or why she was so horrible to him. Her family must have known, but they all kept quiet all those years. Obviously, writing all this down isn’t going to change anything, but except for my husband and sister, you are the only person I’ve ever told this to.

I just hope that someday, everyone finds peace with whomever they love, and aren’t forced to do things against their will to uphold the family reputation. Too many people suffered for this tragedy.

<strong>Loren’s Comment:</strong>

Thanks for that wonderful story.  I am sure that nothing more needs to be said between you and your mother.  She knew by your response — perhaps more by a lack of a disapproving response — that you accepted her.

You may be interested in the following link:

<a href=”http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/finally-out/201110/door-knob-revelations”>

Because this is so interesting, I am going to re-post as a main blog entry.